


5 Times Steve Thought Tony and Clint Were Dating

by Bam4Me



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 5 plus 1, Age Regression/De-Aging, Birb Clint, Bruce and Tony are science bros, Bruce is happy to finally get to help in a way that actually makes him feel normal, Clint and Tony are best bros, Clint gets turned into a bird, De-Aged Tony Stark, Deaf Clint Barton, M/M, Phil is amazing, Pining, Steve is jealous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 08:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6322216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And One Time That Phil Told Him He Was An Idiot</p><p>(Now translated into Vietnamese, click for link in notes section!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 Times Steve Thought Tony and Clint Were Dating

**Author's Note:**

> Hah, look, I made a thing with my own noggin.
> 
> Vietnamese translation: https://linfengting.wordpress.com/2016/11/07/stony-5-lan-steve-nghi-tony-va-clint-dang-hen-hop1/

Five Times Steve Thought Tony and Clint Were Dating:

 

**Because Tony was sleeping.**

 

It wasn’t that abnormal of an occurrence to be honest. Tony fell asleep in the oddest places, and Clint would pretty much cuddle with anyone who would sit still long enough for him to get in some full body contact.

 

Tony was asleep in the communal living room on the main floor of Avengers Tower, and if he was awake, he’d tell you that he hadn’t a clue how he’d originally gotten there.

 

Phil had passed through no less than ten minutes ago, paused to make sure Tony was still alive with his face pressed into the couch like it was, and layered a thick blanket from the closet over the sleeping engineer. Tony hadn’t moved a muscle, still curled up on the soft cushions.

 

It’s not his fault really, he fell asleep everywhere, and he could seriously use some snooze time.

 

Clint though? You can blame Clint, and just about everyone in the tower would agree with you on that. Clint was a blamable person.

 

Tony had looked so small and helpless while drooling on the cushions, Clint kind of wanted to wrap him up like a burrito and keep him safe from his own self destructive tendencies.

 

It’s like… every bad habit that he had about himself, he felt the need to fix in others. It was a very bad habit, and was probably why he actually ended up picking up strays more often than Tony himself did. Also, he knew fully well that Tony wasn’t helpless because he was tiny. Natasha was smaller than all of them, and he’s pretty sure if it came down to it, she could kill all of them without batting an eyelash.

 

No no, Tony Stark was tiny, but he packed a lot of destruction per pound. If Natasha wouldn’t kill him for saying it, he’d insist that it’s because people closer to the ground were in alliance with the devil, but he still said it anyways, just only when she’s not looking.

 

Clint might have been half asleep himself, which is why he didn’t hold back, climbing onto the couch behind the sleeping man and spooning tight up against his back. Tony was also very warm.

 

Smol people needed Hell’s fire to keep their fury going.

 

He yawned against Tony’s warm neck, nuzzling further into him before his eyes slipped shut, dead to the world now.

 

***

 

Steve didn’t know what to think about this.

 

Clint and Tony tended to be the most touchy feely ones of their team. They bantered constantly, and both had the habit of annoying everyone (including themselves) in the room all at the same time, and then seeming like adorable people who would cry if you scolded them in the next.

 

Actually, there was that one time that Tony had gotten just a little tearful after Steve scolded him, and that had horrified Steve to no end. He ended up painting him a new canvas for his workshop, _and_ cooking and bringing him meals for a week down there without nagging, until Tony could finally look at him without getting all upset, but they chose not to talk about that. Feelings were gross and should be ignored.

 

Phil came into the room behind him, and for the first time that morning, Steve saw him willingly lower his tablet, zeroing in on Clint and Tony on the couch together with his usual ‘Stark and Barton are in the same room, this is cause for concern’ precision. This time though, instead of giving them both a warning look and leaving them to it, he smiled.

 

Phil lowered the tablet to his side, and quietly crept over to the sleeping heros, fixing the blanket over them with one hand so it actually covered them, and moved to the other side of the room, sitting on a couch without any other word.

 

Okay. So, apparently, this was their thing.

 

Steve totally wasn’t going to judge.

 

Yup. Not judging at all.

 

He took a seat over next to Phil so they could silently review their work together again, trying not to think about how he might be slightly just a little bit, totally and completely jealous of the way that Clint had Tony tucked up against his neck right now.

 

It wasn’t cute, he just thought that he could provide a bit more bulk to snuggle into than Clint could, is all.

 

**Because Clint is having a bad day, and Tony wants to make him feel better.**

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Tony let out an undignified squeak, nearly braining himself on Dummy’s frame when Clint dropped down to the workshop floor in front of him, suddenly a hand on his stomach because Clint always felt the need to _touch_ people.

 

Tony, in respect for the hearing aids that Clint surely wasn’t wearing because of the way his voice was at least three notches louder than it should be on a scale of what’s appropriate for not startling engineers in their natural habitat, let Clint manhandle him out from under the whirring bot. Dummy took this as a good idea to run away like the coward that he was, because Dummy hated getting anything upgraded ever, but would never damage Tony by trying to roll away when Tony was sitting under him. Tony glared after the bot, shouting, “Coward!” behind his back, because Clint couldn’t hear well enough to complain at shouting in his ear, and Dummy was giving him a decidedly sassy look. Asshole, just couldn’t let Daddy do his work could he. It’s like trying to get a five year olds’ ears cleaned, and Tony knew that, because when he was five, he hated that more than anything ever. Dummy just whirred at him annoyingly and ran off further into the lab.

 

Tony sighed and looked down at Clint, who’s decided that his stomach makes an amazing pillow. Tony tapped him on the head and waited till the sniper looked up. “Why are you laying on me?”

 

Clint shrugged. He looked like he might be having a slightly bad day. Normally, Phil was his living pillow when Clint was having a bad day, but he was off on SHIELD business, which usually meant that Clint’s day was even worse. He’d probably taken his hearing aids out so no one would try and talk to him, but Tony’s probably fine, since Clint talked to him first. “Steve says it’s time for dinner. If I don’t bring you upstairs, he’ll give me disapproving looks and tell me I don’t know how to properly take care of bratty engineers. I don’t know why he thinks it’s my job to take care of you anyways, but whenever you don’t take care of yourself, I get yelled at.”

 

Tony shrugged. Clint’s eyes were fixed on his lower face though, so he kept on. “Sorry Birdy. I didn’t realize he shipped us so much.”

 

Clint mouthed the word ‘shipped’ to himself for a few seconds before breaking out in a stupid grin. “The good captain thinks I pin you to walls and have my way with you, huh?”

 

Tony looked down at where Clint’s hands were still firmly planted on his left hip and right rib cage, effectively pinning him to the floor. “Not that much different from reality, you know.”

 

Clint let a slow smirk settle on his face, and Tony knew immediately this would end badly. “No no, this is very different, I’m pinning you to a floor. Trust me, it’s very different.”

 

Tony frowned, “And how’s that?”

 

Clint smirked even harder, “Because if I make you scream right now, it’s _not_ going to be something you’re going to come back to me for a repeat performance on.”

 

Tony’s nose wrinkled up, “Wha-“

 

Tony tapered off, letting out an undignified squeak as Clint’s hands dug into his waist and rib cage, frantically trying to get out from under the sniper now. “No no, no tickling, that’s like, cheating, Clint!”

 

Clint just grinned. He could barely hear the laughter coming from Tony, since his hearing was so low, but he could see it clearly. Tony was trying to get away, but not very hard. Clint wondered if part of Tony’s struggled being so weak had anything to do with wanting to keep in Clint’s line of view so Clint knew what he was saying, but brushed that one off as unimportant.

 

Tony should learn not to give him any advantages like this, because Clint took those advantages and abused them very badly.

 

Tony’s face was flushed and his breathing had gotten shallow by the time that Clint knew something was up though, and followed Tony’s line of view to the front of the lab, where Steve was standing, giving them both a horrified look.

 

Clint looked back down at him and Tony. Tony’s hips (though Clint didn’t feel anything poking him, thank goodness) were flush with his, and he had one hand still trying to pry tickly fingers out of his rib cage. Clint let him go, bracing his hands on the floor on either side of Tony’s waist instead and glancing back up at Steve.

 

Steve stuttered something out about dinner being ready and that they should get upstairs, but Clint was already looking back down at Tony and didn’t catch it. Tony looked up at him with wide eyes when Steve left again, face flushing up even further. He looked amused though, so Clint didn’t worry too much. “Um, maybe we should go upstairs before Thor eats everything.”

 

Clint shrugged, helping the engineer back up from the floor with a smirk. Tony seemed a little weak kneed, but Clint decided not to poke fun at him for once, knowing that Tony would be likely to cut off his hot water if he thought Clint was being a pain.

 

**Because animal and age transformations are an unfortunate thing that happen to the Avengers.**

 

“He’s _crying_ oh fuck!”

 

Steve felt an elbow in his ribs, not enough to hurt, but enough to shut him up while Coulson took the squalling baby out of his arms. “You’re not even holding him right, of course he’s crying, he thinks you’re going to drop him!”

 

Natasha ignored them both, cooing at the hawk perched on her forearm. “Who’s a pretty birdy? Is Clint a pretty birdy? Yes, yes I think Clint is a pretty birdy.”

 

Bruce looked a little disturbed at Natasha’s cooing, but ignored her now in favor of pushing between the two arguing on the other side of the room –Steve and Phil- and gently plucked the baby out of Phil’s arms. He at least knew enough about childcare that he wasn’t going to drop Tony to the floor like they would if they _kept arguing like that_.

 

He glared at them and made his way to the other side of the med room. SHIELD had already checked them over –actually, they called in Strange to look them over, which had made Tony cry the first time, and Steve’s bad child holding had made him cry the second- and they’d both be fine, if Steve and Phil didn’t kill each other first.

 

Tony was still a blubbering mess in his arms, but now that a non-screaming adult who knew how to hold a baby had him, he was much more quiet, making Bruce want to coo at him that same way that Natasha had been to Clint.

 

He nearly jumped –would have if it weren’t for the little body in his arms- when a claw wrapped around his arm, and looked over to see Clint cautiously making his way across Bruce’s arm so he could stare down at the upset baby. Bruce eyed him worriedly. Hawks weren’t exactly the most friendly looking birds, but Tony stilled in his upset at the first brush of soft feathers against his little arm, turning to look at Clint through watery eyes.

 

Clint leaned in and nuzzled the little boy, which made Tony keep still and quiet, looking so amazed at the soft feathers.

 

Natasha smiled, “Aww, Birdy, are you trying to help the baby? That’s very nice of you to do.” Clint preened at the praise.

 

Bruce vaguely wondered if Natasha was always this nice sounding around children and animals, but ignored his own question in favor of using a soft tissue to wipe away the tears and snot from Tony’s little face.

 

Tony reached out and tried to grab a handful of Clint’s wing, which startled the bird a bit, but Clint didn’t make any moves to hurt the baby. Bruce gently slid a big finger into Tony’s little palm, pressing down till Tony let go of the soft appendage. Clint looked thankful, wings ruffling up and moving on to clean them with his beak.

 

Tony gave him a watery smile, quiet now.

 

***

 

They were going to be back to normal in a week or so… but they were so little.

 

Bruce was taking care of them. Natasha was usually found roaming around with Clint on her shoulders, but she made no overall move to try and help with Tony, probably for the same reason that Steve was so nervous around him. Not used to children.

 

Steve was mostly worried that he’d hurt the baby. Tony was maybe six months old now, and while Clint had shown some signs of having memories of being human and adult, Tony was just too little to try and communicate with them like Clint could right now.

 

He could barely even sit up on his own right now.

 

Bruce took to watching his friend with a shine that made everyone else wonder if he’d wanted children, but in all honesty, he didn’t.

 

He was just happy to be able to take care of someone in a capacity that Avengers hardly ever got to do. Even if Tony was waking him up three times a night to come feed him.

 

“What’s Clint doing?”

 

Bruce blinked a few times. He’d been meditating in the sun room on the communal floor, and had Tony resting back in his lap against the fold of his legs while he sat. Steve had been worried about it, but Phil had explained that shared meditation could be calming for both parent and child, which Bruce and Tony were basically acting as now.

 

He looked up at Steve in questions before his eyes roamed the room to find Clint, stopping when he found the bird mid flight, low to the ground before he stopped next to a pile of soft cloth. He seemed to be gathering clothes –probably scattered around the communal floor, people forgetting a sweater here, some socks there- and the soft towels from the meditation area, into a… nest.

 

He smiled once and closed his eyes again. “He’s nesting, Steve. He’s a bird right now.”

 

Steve sat across from Bruce, wide –fearful- eyes on the baby in Bruce’s lap. Tony was half awake, and rather quiet right now. He probably never got to just spend some silent moments alone as an adult.

 

“He’s Clint though.”

 

Bruce quirked a smile, “You realize that Clint also nests as an adult too, right? I’ve had both Tony and Phil complain to me that they’re tired of him piling blankets in their offices and lab when he wants to take a nap there. Clint has always been a nester.”

 

Steve sighed, imitating Bruce’s position on the floor, “I guess.” He grumbled a little bit, thinking of how Tony had complained to him no less than a week ago about Clint making him sleep in a pile of cushions on the floor with him because he was worried Tony wasn’t sleeping enough.

 

Really, Clint was like his boyfriend, right? He had the right to be worried about Tony, and he shouldn’t complain about cuddles, because Steve would give a lot for cuddles with Tony right now… or any time really.

 

Bruce opened up his eyes again when he felt a light peck at his arm. “What’s wrong, Clint?”

 

Clint made a low cawing sound, quiet, but probably a little louder than he’d meant to anyways. He seemed to have better hearing now than as a human, but still not quite as good as it should be.

 

Clint moved in and nuzzled the baby, making Tony sleepily glare up at him, before Clint made another move towards the nest he’d made.

 

It took Bruce a few seconds to get it, but he got it faster than Steve did. “Did you make the baby a nest to sleep in, Clint?”

 

Clint bobbed his head before puffing up, prideful and happy with himself. Bruce just grinned and reached down to scoop Tony up in his arms. Tony fussed a little, but Bruce just gentled him with a bounce before he got off the floor. “Come up, Birdy made you a much more comfy place to sleep.”

 

When Tony was in the nest now, which Bruce noted, was exceptionally done to be honest, Clint hopped in with him. They were both asleep in minutes.

 

Steve just sighed a little sadly. He really needed someone to sleep with at night, before he said something he’d regret.

 

**Because sometimes Tony forgot that other people usually have personal bubbles. Thankfully, Clint, when it comes to his friends, does not.**

 

Tony was touchy. Steve had fallen victim to the ‘haven’t slept in three days, please let me nap on you’ version of Tony more times than necessary, which may or may not have something to do with him volunteering to be Tony’s personal pillow so Natasha and Bruce wouldn’t have to. He was just trying to be a good team leader and not force anyone else into unwanted cuddles.

 

Tony could get clingy when he was tired. He fell asleep more often than not on movie night.

 

And usually, on Clint.

 

He was snoring into Clint’s neck right now, and had his feet (bare, and small, and Steve kind of wanted to give him a massage because they looked soft,) smushed into Phil’s sweats. Normally, Phil was always well dressed and in a suit like usual, but on movie nights, he wore sweats, because he always shared a couch with Clint and Tony, and Tony fell asleep on them and if Phil was well dressed, he would need to double his dry cleaning bill. (Actually, Tony paid everyone’s dry cleaning bills, but it’s the thought that counts.)

 

But, it’s not just the way that Tony was snoring into Clint’s neck; Clint was part of this issue too.

 

Did he have to _hold_ Tony like he was? Clint’s arms were both wrapped around Tony’s waist, and holding him against his side, which is probably a good thing, because Tony tosses in his sleep, changing positions every few minutes, but still.

 

Steve felt the popcorn bowl in his lap creak dangerously, and loosened his hands, shifting positions so Thor wouldn’t notice that he’d left finger prints in the metal bowl.

 

He really needed to get a date.

 

**Because every time he gets to the kitchen after Tony and Clint do, he has to watch them be adorable and make breakfast together.**

 

Tony didn’t often make it to breakfast before Steve did, and the mornings that he did, he usually didn’t sleep the night before if he wasn’t laying half on the table and muttering while drinking half the pot of coffee.

 

But, on the mornings he did get to breakfast before Steve, Clint was just about always there already. It made Steve wonder if this was Clint’s way of spending a nice domestic moment with the worlds least domestic person ever that he happened to be dating, because Steve kind of wants to tell them to fuck off, that he doesn’t want to watch Clint feed Tony blue berries and, on days when Tony was still half awake, watch Tony lean into Clint’s side while Clint flipped pancakes at the stove.

 

And mostly, he kind of wanted Tony to sleepily lean into his side while he fed his strawberries and let him snuffle against him like Tony was wont to do to Clint at times like that.

 

He felt a little like his heart was breaking, and it was all he could do, to sit there and pretend like he was reading his newspaper and drinking his coffee like normal, even as he screamed internally at the sudden realization, that he was stupidly, hopelessly, and _unhappily_ , in love with a man who was looking in another direction.

 

Steve didn’t say anything, just taking another drink of coffee, as he came to the other realization that he’d never do anything about it, because he couldn’t lose Clint as a friend… and he couldn’t make Tony cry.

 

Life sucks.

 

**+1 Because Phil Coulson seems to be the only person in the tower who doesn’t realize that his husband isn’t cheating on him, and Tony Stark is stupidly in love with Steve Rogers.**

 

Steve came into the foyer of the communal floor, pausing at the scene in front of him. Clint was helping a rather well dressed Coulson into a black coat, and they both seemed to be dressed for going out for the night. He knew the two of them were close, but something seemed a little off.

 

“Out for the night?”

 

Clint looked over at him, grinned wide enough that it might have hurt, and nodded. “Tony got us reservations at Hangawi tonight, which is awesome because I can neither get reservations myself, or afford to try. Tony’s footing the bill. I love that man.”

 

Phil turned around with a grin, and much to Steve’s shock, leaned in, pulled the archer down, and laid a firm kiss on his grinning mouth. “If I were a jealous man, a sentence like that would have me worried. Luckily for you, I know just how satisfied you are with me. Go down and get the car, whenever you can Tony are together in the garage you both get distracted, so I’ll give you a head start.”

 

Clint grinned dopily, and for the first time ever, Steve suddenly realized, that he was completely and totally wrong about Clint and Tony. Fuck.

 

Clint got into the elevator and when he was gone, Phil turned to give Steve an amused look, “Come now, Captain America is _surprised_ that two of his team mates are together? I thought you were more observant than that?”

 

Steve turned red, looking down at his hands, “I, uh… I thought… I thought Clint was with Tony.”

 

Phil let out the most amused laugh, looking away from Steve with a shake of his head. “You thought those two goons were together? Now that’s one I never thought I’d hear. I think I’d probably liken their relationship to that of siblings. Kind of the same way that Tony’s attached to Bruce, and Natasha’s attached to Clint. Though, I can see where you got mixed up. Neither of them have a personal bubble.”

 

Steve nodded without saying anything, face heated and feeling like an ass for being so jealous over the two of them.

 

Phil was still smiling though, and he looked Steve in the eye. “Besides, I think that they’d probably crash and burn together, what with them both loving someone else.”

 

Steve’s face fell, “T-“ he stuttered for a moment, before clearing his throat, “Tony loves someone else?”

 

Phil looked even more amused, “You really are dense. Well, unfortunately for the rest of the team, who seem to have made bets over this, I don’t feel like beating around the bush when it means you’ll have that much less time with the people you love. Go down stairs and talk with Tony. I bet you’ll like the results more than you think you will.”

 

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, “Are you… m-me? You think he-“

 

Phil looked like he was dealing with a particularly slow child, but just nodded, “Yes, Captain. It shouldn’t be that much of a shock.”

 

He headed for the elevator, and as it was closing, Steve couldn’t decide if he was hopeful, or scared. Maybe a little of both actually.

 

“He’s not wrong.”

 

Steve jumped a foot in the air, whipping around to see Tony standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a bowl of ice cream in his hands, and a slightly guarded air about him. Steve had the feeling that if he fucked this up, the ice cream would make a nice, frozen projectile, right at his face.

 

“I thought you were down in the garage?”

 

Tony shrugged, “Hmm, seems like they both thought I was in the garage too.”

 

He ate another bite, trying to look like he hadn’t just subtly admitted that he loved Steve.

 

Steve felt a stupid look start to come across his face, and he ended up looking at Tony with a dope grin. “I, um… me too.”

 

Tony swallowed thoughtfully, before smiling back, “That’s good. I’m glad.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually gayer than planned.


End file.
